Monday, 21 September 2020

Dirty Harriet

Another reminder that I dislike painting gems, eyes, cloaks and fucking plasma coils.  This is why I never started a Dark Angels army.  Well, not since 1988 anyway.  I really should learn how to do it properly and I do watch tutorials, but I always end up saying to myself, 'No, I've had an idea and I got this.  I know better.  Oh shit, this is the twelfth coat of paint and it's starting to look like blancmange.'

"..being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off.."

Her left eye was so deeply embedded that I ended up using a pin to scratch paint in there.  I honestly don't know how these pro-painters do it.  Gallons of patience, practice and talent I suspect.  And I lost patience eventually so no extreme close ups I'm afraid and lots of backdrop frippery to draw your eye away from her goat eye.  You can't really see it from the photos but I know it's there.  It will keep me awake at night.

Ah, I think I need a break from painting (having done practically none for a month).  It might be time to immerse myself in Path of Exile:  A free to play Diablo clone. It has to be a mesmerisingly addictive game, surely?  Which should be setting off klaxons in OCD police HQ, who carefully monitor all gaming activities from the safety of my forebrain.

Some of the reviews on Steam are hilarious.  One critic from the user base gave it a 'NOT RECOMMENDED' and wrote, "This game has become ridiculous and it is over to me." Having logged over 2,600 hours in the game.  I'm not kidding.  Every reviewer has their game time tagged in the review to prove that they've actually played it and not just for 5 minutes.  That's well over a year of full time work!  How is that even possible?  If you don't hear from me again then you'll know I got sucked in.

Sunday, 13 September 2020


This is the worst kind of heresy but I can't help it now.  I've crossed the Rubicon and there's no going back.  I even considered investing in an Age of Sigmar army last week.  And not just dirty square basers but damn, dirty Elvish square basers.  Oh, what a world!  Hobby butterfly syndrome has kicked in and there is zero motivation to finish my wardog, even though it's coming along nicely.

I had a moment of weakness where I suddenly decided that I needed to buy the Indomitus Starter Set for 40k.  Of course Nathan, the store manager immediately tried to divert my attention towards AoS models and that new Lumineth army caught my eye.  Yes indeed!  Minotaurs and Invisible dudes and serried ranks of glistening hoplites.  Enduring image isn't it?  Fortunately, sanity reasserted itself and I settled on the Warhammer 40,000 Command Edition box set.  An impulse buy, but I'd recently had my first game of 9th Edition 40k and I didn't hate it.  I thought I was going to hate it, but I didn't.  I was feeling so insecure before the game that I had to bring out Roboute and the blob of doom.  

Rory's Hive Tyrant made its debut and was, of course, ruthlessly dispatched.

Guilliman is like a security blanket.  He makes you feel better about everything really. ('Would you like to roll that again?  High five, bro!').  So I quite liked 9th edition and I may have gotten a teeny bit excited and needed to buy something.  Just a smidgen.

Of course there was zero chance of any spare Indomitus sets just lying around the FLGS, but I'd already checked the price on a couple of internet sites and I could still taste the vomit in my mouth.  Plus I needed a fix right now!  So the only thing to do was to creep down to Games Workshop and exchange large amounts of money for pristine plastic crack.  Then scamper down the nearest side street and mainline that shit.  Does anyone else celebrate their latest score with a trip to McDonalds?  I mean you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, right?  And if you do decide to frequent a local restaraunt, do you end up ripping off the cellophane and pawing at the sprues with grease and mayonnaise stained fingers?  Do nearby patrons look at you out of the corner of their eye and then move to a seat further away?  No?  That's just me?

Anyway, the Command box only has a Captain, 3 Outriders and 5 Assault Intercessors.  It also has a good amount of scenery which will blend seamlessly with my current collection and a ton of Necrons which just happen to be another army I play.  I immediately built the the captain and liked the bare headed option best.  He reminds me of Lorgar.  I was so pleased with it I decided on a bit of light conversion but kept it to a healthy minimum and just reversed the sword.  I really liked the shield and I think those poster boy Primaris might be starting to look a bit grimdark now.  Which reminded me that I didn't get the Judiciar, Chaplain, Bladeguards or Lieutenant in the box.  I especially wanted to own the Indomitus Lieutenant.  Not to worry, surely I could just get one from the shop?  

Well, yes... and no.  You can get the Lieutenant in the 'Recruit' edition starter set and it is very well priced, but I've barely looked at the contents of the Command Starter set which I only just bought.  I decided I could make my own Indomitus Lieutenant.  The special edition Primaris Captain with Power Fist was dusted off and unboxed, having been saved for just such an occasion.  Sadly, it didn't seem right.  Maybe I could do a Calgar conversion with him?  I'm glad I didn't start chopping him up and anyway he doesn't have a Stormshield.  In fact I didn't have any spare Stormshields.  Inconceivable! I nearly pulled the terminator shield off Captain Precarius in the heat of the moment but my eyes fell upon an introductory Sigmarine, half hidden on a bottom shelf. I think it's one of the ones that they give you at the hobby store (Another attempt by Nathan to pull me into the depths of depravity).  You can buy the model in the easy-to-build Stormcast Eternals Sequitor kit now.  

I picked it up, turning it over in my hands and said to myself, 'You know, that just might work'.  Precarius looked on in blank horror as I attached the discarded end of a Skull Cannon of Khorne to the power pack and added a Chaos monocle as well as a  MkIV Plasma gun. I spent ages removing the Stormcast insignia and it still isn't finished.  Precarius ran off in floods of tears at this point and won't come out of the bathroom. It definitely elevates me into arch-heresy status.  I'm just going to paint it up in the Red Scorpions colours and see if anyone actually notices.