Sunday, 17 January 2021

This Way Up


And so my descent into the howling interstices of the Immaterium continues with the latest heretek Warglaive fresh off the assembly line.  It's not quite freefall; I just bought the Primaris Apothecary model which is so good I daren't convert it.  I might finally pluck up the courage to paint a marine in white armour.  A crisp marine would be just the right palate cleanser after this fella.

The beast is an attempt to placate Grandfather Nurgle.  I have a feeling it might not be fecund or tumescent enough for the Great Plague Lord who likes his corruption bloated.  If machines could have weeping sores however, I hope they would look like this.    

I did another glory hole 360 video and you can see the poor old turntable twitching and wobbling away.  I think I've worn it out.  Forcing it to rotate endlessly with hefty models and weighted bases balanced on top has probably overstrained the mechanism.

I can hear something grinding inside it now as it rotates and the bottom has come loose.  It's probably time to get a new, industrial strength turntable that can take the weight of a spitting cat.  That could provide a lifetime of fun.

Speaking of animals, I not sure what I was attempting here.  Something raptorlike and Dinobot for sure.  I think it ended up a bit ratlike however, skittering through the wasteland.  Spewing filth from strange, ventral orifices like a 41st millenium muck spreader.  I'm not sure you'd want this particular bio-mechanical horror to fertilize your crops.  Not unless you were hoping for a very grimdark version of Jack and the Beanstalk outside your window when you woke up the next morning.

I've been dicking around with the model for months now.  When I finally realised that I was never actually going to finish it, I just stopped.  I painted the rim, washed my brushes and started taking photos.  I think it was the right decision really, I was in danger of over-egging the pudding.  GW Technical paints are too much fun.  Whoever invented Nurgle's Rot deserves a medal in my opinion, but you've got to stop short of pouring the damn stuff all over the model.

I wanted the front to be clean with the Warglaive becoming more and more messed up along its length.  The base would reflect that too.  But I found some pictures of wet rust online and really wanted to give it a go on the tongue.  I liked it so much I did various bits and pieces in the same way to balance it out.

The pinned foot has held up well, surviving an accidental kicking across the garage floor after being dropped.  I wanted a distressed look but this was taking it a bit far.

I really liked the simple, almost stylised mark of Nurgle which was donated by Jordan at some at some distant point the past. And there's a little fly on the side of the weapon.  That's about it for obvious signs of devotion to the god of poor hygiene .

I think the back end is much more nasty and I experimented with all sorts of weirdness here.  Skin on barbed wire.  Cracked, leaky and rusted pipes.  Noxious fluids spilling from a mess of tubing on the underbelly.

I think I'm finally channelling my inner Covid.  I just sprayed a succession of technical paints, glazes and contrast paint on the base with a toothbrush.  I was making a mess and loving it.  It took about 10 minutes and is a good reminder that you should never skimp on the base.  And always paint your rims to signify that you are finally done with it!

The bloody stools shooting out of its undercarriage and skin on the barbed wire were lovingly created with cat hair, Nurgle's Rot and Blood for the Blood God.  I'm definitely not tired of that technique yet. 

Finally a shot of the whole gang.  Well, the whole gang so far.  The Budgie of Slaanesh needs to be tackled next I suppose.  It's not very Slaaneshi now that I think about it and doesn't really fit with these three anyway.

Monday, 4 January 2021

I Am The Law!


This is my interpretation of Joe Dredd, without his helmet.  And a chainsword instead of a stun baton.  Silly really, because Dredd never takes his helmet off.  Plus this is a sergeant, who should be setting an example to his men on battlefield protection and the use of headgear.

It wasn't until I went to basecoat the models that I noticed I'd modelled the sergeant's body on the wrong legs.  So now one of the troopers had 2 helmets, one clipped to his belt and one on his bonce.  What a schoolboy error.

Normally, I would berate myself harshly and immediately begin dismantling the offending models.  Usually with a craft knife.  Then spend another 10 hours undoing the damage whilst I tried to reassemble them correctly.  Slipping into an OCD loop of self loathing and failing to notice that I could have just swapped the heads back.  They weren't even glued when I discovered this obvious blunder.  I could have just put the damn Sergeant's head on the damn Sergeant's bike and have done with it.

It wouldn't be difficult to prise the heads off now and swap them.  I'm not going to do it though.  The enraged, almost psychotic look on his face coupled with the mohican absolutely  belongs on the bike plunging into the Ripper swarm in my humble opinion.  His subordinate has obviously been designated 'Helmet Carrier'.  That poor, long suffering marine just follows his Sergeant around into battle desperately waving the forgotten helmet.
'Don't forget your...  oh ffs!' 

The Genestealer model turned out alright and I spent an enjoyable couple of hours creating blood effects with cat hair and Blood for the Blood God.  I was a bit more ambitious with it this time compared to Sawberus.  Obviously, there's less blood, but there's more cat hair, which is the tricky part.

The sergeant is still my favourite though and seemed deliberately built to slot into that Forgeworld Ripper base.  It's almost like a Meat Loaf album cover.  He was also much easier to assemble and paint and I'm pretty pleased with his eyes.

I struggled with the eyes again at first.  I thought my fine motor skills were beginning to deteriorate.  A chilling thought.  Then I realised that I was just going even more blind than usual.  So it's my eyes that are deteriorating.  Fortunately we live in the modern age and a 10 dollar pair of super-strength reading glasses came to the rescue.  When worn over the top of my other reading glasses I can count the individual whorls of my fingerprints.  It was something of a revelation and I think I need to go to the opticians.

So my 2021 New Year's resolutions are:

1.  Visit the optometrist

2.  Try to be less miserable

3.  Eat more medjool dates

Tuesday, 10 November 2020

Riders On The Storm

I forgot to give her a sword.  So now she's got one.  I wouldn't class it as a relic or even master-crafted weapon but rules don't matter on this model so it is a venial sin rather than a mortal one.  A venial sin only weakens the soul.  In order to atone for my sins I imposed a penance of 'no converting' on the rest of the marines in the army.  

This did not work out well.  I didn't actually kitbash or convert the Outrider models themselves but all my Red Scorpions are themed with Tyranid base decorations.  So adding a few Genestealer skulls wasn't breaking the rules as far as I was concerned and it only got slightly out of hand.  I built one of the Outriders in the stock pose at least.  He reminds me of Judge Dredd and that's good enough.  Cruising through the mean streets of Mega City One, administering justice with his Lawgiver set to 'High Explosive'.  He's tough, but fair. Sheriff Woody on warp dust.

Which brings me on to my attempt at a textbook slide-pivot U-turn on an all-terrain Astartes ground bike.  This one's right out of the manual. Performed in order to rapidly change direction on rough, confined terrain.  

It can also unbalance an encroaching enemy and avert disaster by diamond hard chitin.  Any attempt to disable/dismember said enemy whilst performing this maneuver displays both flair and overconfidence.  

Genestealers have six limbs, each capable of instantly killing an unarmoured opponent.  This is in addition to rabid jaws and a prehensile tongue, tipped with a fate worse than death.  A bolt through the skull should be sufficient to dissuade them.

In a similar vein, it can be seen that rash behaviour when confronted by overwhelming hordes of insignificant Ripper Swarms will often have dire consequences.  Static cannonades from fixed line squads are much more effective.  <<CHAPLAIN INTERJECT : Bellowing 'For the Emperor!' whilst impetuously charging the foe is in fact Codex Compliant>>.  

I think the Forgeworld Ripper Swarm works very well here as the worlds most expensive base decoration.  I feel the need to to add more Rippers.  I've started pulling them off existing, finished bases.  It ain't right, I tell ya.  

What the hell, it might finally motivate me to atone for the Forgeworld unmentionables I was ill-advised to purchase in a moment of weakness about 3 years ago.  I might even get round to painting them. One of them at least.

Monday, 21 September 2020

Dirty Harriet

Another reminder that I dislike painting gems, eyes, cloaks and fucking plasma coils.  This is why I never started a Dark Angels army.  Well, not since 1988 anyway.  I really should learn how to do it properly and I do watch tutorials, but I always end up saying to myself, 'No, I've had an idea and I got this.  I know better.  Oh shit, this is the twelfth coat of paint and it's starting to look like blancmange.'

"..being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off.."

Her left eye was so deeply embedded that I ended up using a pin to scratch paint in there.  I honestly don't know how these pro-painters do it.  Gallons of patience, practice and talent I suspect.  And I lost patience eventually so no extreme close ups I'm afraid and lots of backdrop frippery to draw your eye away from her goat eye.  You can't really see it from the photos but I know it's there.  It will keep me awake at night.

Ah, I think I need a break from painting (having done practically none for a month).  It might be time to immerse myself in Path of Exile:  A free to play Diablo clone. It has to be a mesmerisingly addictive game, surely?  Which should be setting off klaxons in OCD police HQ, who carefully monitor all gaming activities from the safety of my forebrain.

Some of the reviews on Steam are hilarious.  One critic from the user base gave it a 'NOT RECOMMENDED' and wrote, "This game has become ridiculous and it is over to me." Having logged over 2,600 hours in the game.  I'm not kidding.  Every reviewer has their game time tagged in the review to prove that they've actually played it and not just for 5 minutes.  That's well over a year of full time work!  How is that even possible?  If you don't hear from me again then you'll know I got sucked in.

Sunday, 13 September 2020


This is the worst kind of heresy but I can't help it now.  I've crossed the Rubicon and there's no going back.  I even considered investing in an Age of Sigmar army last week.  And not just dirty square basers but damn, dirty Elvish square basers.  Oh, what a world!  Hobby butterfly syndrome has kicked in and there is zero motivation to finish my wardog, even though it's coming along nicely.

I had a moment of weakness where I suddenly decided that I needed to buy the Indomitus Starter Set for 40k.  Of course Nathan, the store manager immediately tried to divert my attention towards AoS models and that new Lumineth army caught my eye.  Yes indeed!  Minotaurs and Invisible dudes and serried ranks of glistening hoplites.  Enduring image isn't it?  Fortunately, sanity reasserted itself and I settled on the Warhammer 40,000 Command Edition box set.  An impulse buy, but I'd recently had my first game of 9th Edition 40k and I didn't hate it.  I thought I was going to hate it, but I didn't.  I was feeling so insecure before the game that I had to bring out Roboute and the blob of doom.  

Rory's Hive Tyrant made its debut and was, of course, ruthlessly dispatched.

Guilliman is like a security blanket.  He makes you feel better about everything really. ('Would you like to roll that again?  High five, bro!').  So I quite liked 9th edition and I may have gotten a teeny bit excited and needed to buy something.  Just a smidgen.

Of course there was zero chance of any spare Indomitus sets just lying around the FLGS, but I'd already checked the price on a couple of internet sites and I could still taste the vomit in my mouth.  Plus I needed a fix right now!  So the only thing to do was to creep down to Games Workshop and exchange large amounts of money for pristine plastic crack.  Then scamper down the nearest side street and mainline that shit.  Does anyone else celebrate their latest score with a trip to McDonalds?  I mean you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, right?  And if you do decide to frequent a local restaraunt, do you end up ripping off the cellophane and pawing at the sprues with grease and mayonnaise stained fingers?  Do nearby patrons look at you out of the corner of their eye and then move to a seat further away?  No?  That's just me?

Anyway, the Command box only has a Captain, 3 Outriders and 5 Assault Intercessors.  It also has a good amount of scenery which will blend seamlessly with my current collection and a ton of Necrons which just happen to be another army I play.  I immediately built the the captain and liked the bare headed option best.  He reminds me of Lorgar.  I was so pleased with it I decided on a bit of light conversion but kept it to a healthy minimum and just reversed the sword.  I really liked the shield and I think those poster boy Primaris might be starting to look a bit grimdark now.  Which reminded me that I didn't get the Judiciar, Chaplain, Bladeguards or Lieutenant in the box.  I especially wanted to own the Indomitus Lieutenant.  Not to worry, surely I could just get one from the shop?  

Well, yes... and no.  You can get the Lieutenant in the 'Recruit' edition starter set and it is very well priced, but I've barely looked at the contents of the Command Starter set which I only just bought.  I decided I could make my own Indomitus Lieutenant.  The special edition Primaris Captain with Power Fist was dusted off and unboxed, having been saved for just such an occasion.  Sadly, it didn't seem right.  Maybe I could do a Calgar conversion with him?  I'm glad I didn't start chopping him up and anyway he doesn't have a Stormshield.  In fact I didn't have any spare Stormshields.  Inconceivable! I nearly pulled the terminator shield off Captain Precarius in the heat of the moment but my eyes fell upon an introductory Sigmarine, half hidden on a bottom shelf. I think it's one of the ones that they give you at the hobby store (Another attempt by Nathan to pull me into the depths of depravity).  You can buy the model in the easy-to-build Stormcast Eternals Sequitor kit now.  

I picked it up, turning it over in my hands and said to myself, 'You know, that just might work'.  Precarius looked on in blank horror as I attached the discarded end of a Skull Cannon of Khorne to the power pack and added a Chaos monocle as well as a  MkIV Plasma gun. I spent ages removing the Stormcast insignia and it still isn't finished.  Precarius ran off in floods of tears at this point and won't come out of the bathroom. It definitely elevates me into arch-heresy status.  I'm just going to paint it up in the Red Scorpions colours and see if anyone actually notices.

Tuesday, 25 August 2020

Aperture Science

I think I've made a Defiler or a Soul Grinder or some sort of daemon engine.  I didn't want to make a Defiler.  In fact I didn't even realise I'd done it until I glued the legs on.  Tzeentch works in mysterious ways.  Or maybe I should say Slaanesh in this case.  I'm still not starting a Chaos army. No, nay never, no more.

I've been cultivating these cobwebs for 5 years. Li 1, my trusty sword Sting and trophies in background.

A large chunk of inspiration for this conversion came from H.R. Giger's work, in particular "Li 1".  Li Tobler (the subject of the painting) was Giger's muse and she hated it so much that she slashed the original with a knife.  She thought it made her look ugly apparently but to me it is otherworldly and beautiful.

So I set about making the head look sort of ethereal, biomechanical insect horror.  I don't know what I'm doing at this point so I'm just going with it.  It's a sort of headress/giant cicada/Cthulhu thing.  Somebody on Facebook asked me for a parts list and I realised that I can't remember it all.  I know it was made from a Creature Caster Queen of Ecstasy, Maulerfiend, Skull Cannon, Disco Lord, Heldrake, Redemptor and random bits.

But some of the additions are a complete mystery.  I have several bitz boxes now and originally categorised everything neatly with separate boxes for Tyranid, Imperial, Necron, Chaos/Ad-Mech, Fantasy and Other.  Some of them had compartments with further subdivisions (heads, guns, arms etc.) There's an entire box of Spine Fists which no self respecting Tyranid player ever uses.  Most non-Tyranid players don't even know what they are.

However, over the past year or two, entropy has gradually crept in and it's all warp infected.  My entire gaming table is covered in sprues, instruction pamphlets, empty boxes and unidentifiable shards of plastic.  The workstation is currently unusable.  It's gotten to the stage where the mental inventory is functioning and I know I have the part but I have no hope in hell of finding it.  A bit like my life really.  I also destroyed a fully painted and magnetised Redemptor Gatling cannon for this little experiment.  A shameful state of affairs.

I feel like Sid in Toy Story.  An evil little boy with some serious issues who mutilates his toys into a disquieting amalgamation of their former selves.  There's even a spider one called 'Babyface' made out of a dolly's head and some Meccano.  I thought it was better than Buzz Lightyear to be honest.  Sid was quite talented before his toys rose up from the dead and Woody did his 'Exorcist' thing.  He is almost certainly an inmate in a mental institution now.

I hope to goodness my spider lady doesn't start talking to me but then Sid's toys never actually spoke either.  He messed them up so badly that they were all dumbstruck, mute.  Toy Story is a pretty horrendous concept when you think about it.

"This is your world, you're the creator.  Find freedom on this canvas" - The Blessed Bob Ross - Imager, Remembrancer, Slaaneshi Cultist. Circa M2.

Nothing Freudian about this.  No sir! Move along now please.

The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Some girls will, some girls won't
Some girls need a lot of lovin' and some girls don't
Well, I know I've got the fever but I don't know why
Some say they will and some girls lie.