Tuesday, 25 August 2020

Aperture Science

I think I've made a Defiler or a Soul Grinder or some sort of daemon engine.  I didn't want to make a Defiler.  In fact I didn't even realise I'd done it until I glued the legs on.  Tzeentch works in mysterious ways.  Or maybe I should say Slaanesh in this case.  I'm still not starting a Chaos army. No, nay never, no more.

I've been cultivating these cobwebs for 5 years. Li 1, my trusty sword Sting and trophies in background.

A large chunk of inspiration for this conversion came from H.R. Giger's work, in particular "Li 1".  Li Tobler (the subject of the painting) was Giger's muse and she hated it so much that she slashed the original with a knife.  She thought it made her look ugly apparently but to me it is otherworldly and beautiful.

So I set about making the head look sort of ethereal, biomechanical insect horror.  I don't know what I'm doing at this point so I'm just going with it.  It's a sort of headress/giant cicada/Cthulhu thing.  Somebody on Facebook asked me for a parts list and I realised that I can't remember it all.  I know it was made from a Creature Caster Queen of Ecstasy, Maulerfiend, Skull Cannon, Disco Lord, Heldrake, Redemptor and random bits.

But some of the additions are a complete mystery.  I have several bitz boxes now and originally categorised everything neatly with separate boxes for Tyranid, Imperial, Necron, Chaos/Ad-Mech, Fantasy and Other.  Some of them had compartments with further subdivisions (heads, guns, arms etc.) There's an entire box of Spine Fists which no self respecting Tyranid player ever uses.  Most non-Tyranid players don't even know what they are.

However, over the past year or two, entropy has gradually crept in and it's all warp infected.  My entire gaming table is covered in sprues, instruction pamphlets, empty boxes and unidentifiable shards of plastic.  The workstation is currently unusable.  It's gotten to the stage where the mental inventory is functioning and I know I have the part but I have no hope in hell of finding it.  A bit like my life really.  I also destroyed a fully painted and magnetised Redemptor Gatling cannon for this little experiment.  A shameful state of affairs.

I feel like Sid in Toy Story.  An evil little boy with some serious issues who mutilates his toys into a disquieting amalgamation of their former selves.  There's even a spider one called 'Babyface' made out of a dolly's head and some Meccano.  I thought it was better than Buzz Lightyear to be honest.  Sid was quite talented before his toys rose up from the dead and Woody did his 'Exorcist' thing.  He is almost certainly an inmate in a mental institution now.

I hope to goodness my spider lady doesn't start talking to me but then Sid's toys never actually spoke either.  He messed them up so badly that they were all dumbstruck, mute.  Toy Story is a pretty horrendous concept when you think about it.

"This is your world, you're the creator.  Find freedom on this canvas" - The Blessed Bob Ross - Imager, Remembrancer, Slaaneshi Cultist. Circa M2.

Nothing Freudian about this.  No sir! Move along now please.

The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Some girls will, some girls won't
Some girls need a lot of lovin' and some girls don't
Well, I know I've got the fever but I don't know why
Some say they will and some girls lie.

Saturday, 8 August 2020


I appear to have assembled my Creature Caster 'Queen of Ecstasy' model incorrectly.  To be fair, there were no instructions inside the box.  Finding them online was not difficult since Creature Caster publish them on their site. Regrettably, it was too late to turn back at this juncture and the spider vibe was kicking in.
Also I had removed her legs.  Not a particularly sensible decision but I really didn't like her shoes.  They look like something Gene Simmons wore back in his heyday and would undoubtedly play merry hell with her ankles, possibly resulting in injury.  Sensible footwear is an absolute must as you get on in years.

Anyway, I bought this model from Rory at Maelstrom the other week.  He was going to give it to me for free as long as I promised to actually do something with it. But I haggled and we settled on a very reasonable price.  Check out his blog over on Da Techmeks Garage

I wasn't entirely sure what to do with it to be honest. Those breasts are so outrageously pert, they can't possibly be real.  She obviously went in for a bit of surgery and my Adeptus Mechanicus chirurgeons might have gotten the wrong end of the stick.  Several wrong ends, in fact.  I think I'll have to paint all the skin metallic and make her look like an Iron Golem or something.  Her bosoms look panel beaten out of ball-bearing molds. I seem to remember the Hindu goddess Kali being portrayed as dark blue however and this model will have lots of 'arms' when it's done.  Maybe the original was inspired by the Goddess?   I'm not very good at painting skin though, unless it's necrotic or alien.

Painting her in my Dark Mech colours would be interesting and I could paint the bone textures erm.. bone coloured to break it up.   But then how could I play her as daemon in an AdMech army?  Additionally, without any projectile weapons she would be of little use as a playing piece.  I couldn't play a Slaaneshi temptress in a game unless I fell to Chaos completely and used her as a Keeper of Secrets.  A fiendishly interesting model but I'm pretty sure I know what I'd find under that loincloth.  Having endured a deeply religious upbringing I'd just get confused.  So I'm not playing Chaos and I refuse to start a 5th army.  Then again, I promised myself that I would never start a 3rd army.  Maybe giving her a huge phallic symbol is the answer.  Now I'm really confused.
I thought I might as well embrace the madness so I swapped out the spike on her feet for a Redemptor Gatling cannon and I reckon I can model that right hand holding a 'magic missile' (it's a missile, doesn't matter if it's magic or not).  Slap it on a Dunecrawler base and call it 'Onager'. Done and done. This is one reason why I love 40k.  It engages both hemispheres of the brain.  The right side is flitting around saying, 'Make it pretty! I simply can't abide some of the ghastly shit you come up with'.  Meanwhile, the left side casually observes, 'Very nice.  Let's weaponize this baby and shred something.'